The Classic Hollywood Squares Zinger of the Day Archive Catch Classic Hollywood Squares 7 days a week at 2:30 PM Eastern, and Tuesday nights in a 2-hour marathon from 8-10 pm Eastern, on Game Show Network.
Monday 4-15:
Peter: “In the song ‘Tenderly,’ what two things did you take from me, tenderly?”
Paul Lynde: “A twenty and a ten.”
Tuesday 4-16:
Peter: “Is there a Mrs. Englebert Humperdink?”
Don Rickles: “Well, I heard about that in the Navy once, I had that on my hand. If there is, there’s a new ointment that’ll make it go away!”
Wednesday 4-17:
Peter: “Pride, anger, covetousness – I can never say that – lust, gluttony, envy and sloth are collectively known as what?”
Paul Lynde: “Oh, the Bill of Rights.”
Thursday 4-18:
Peter: “Is Billy Graham considered to be a good dresser?”
Paul Lynde: “No, but he’s a terriffic end table!”
Friday 4-19:
Peter: “According to the article on dogs in the Encyclopedia Americana, The most important single word any dog can learn is…what?”
Jonathan Winters: “Woof.”
Monday 4-22:
Peter: “President Nixon recently told Time Magazine that he doesn’t have something in the bedrooms of any of the places he lives. What doesn’t he have in the bedroom?”
Paul Lynde: “Fun.”
Tuesday 4-23:
Peter: “What do doctors call it when you suffer from a disorder that causes you to be excessively excited frequently?”
Paul Lynde: “I think that has something to do with your genes…maybe they’re too tight.”
Wednesday 4-24:
Peter: “According to Psychology Today, after one’s mother-in-law comes to visit, a person often catches something. What?”
Joan Rivers: “A bus to Pittsburgh!”
Thursday 4-25:
Peter: “How many men on a hockey team?”
Paul Lynde: “About half!”
Friday 4-26:
Peter: “In the old childhood chant, when you sing ‘Ladybird, Ladybird, fly away home,’ why should she go?”
Paul Lynde: “Because Lyndon wants his chili!”
Monday 4-29:
Peter: According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, within $5,000,
how much will you spend on that kid of yours before he leaves home?
Paul Lynde: “Whatever you put in ’em, you’ll get back when you sell ’em!”
Tuesday 4-30:
Peter: “A nationwide survey of personnel directors was recently taken, and they were asked if they’d hire a girl who showed up for an interview in a see-through blouse. What did most of them say?”
Paul Lynde: “Bring her in!”
Wednesday 5-1:
Peter: “You are a 20-year-old girl and you live at your folks’ house. According to Dear Abby, is it proper for you to entertain your boyfriend there when they are not home?”
Buddy Hackett: “If she wants to make a few dollars!”
Thursday 5-2:
Peter: “True or False? While visiting in India recently, Ralph Nader made a strong statement condemning the lack of safety features on the elephants that are used for transportation there.”
Wally Cox: “Yes, a lot of them have faulty brakes.”
Friday 5-3:
Peter: “Vertical lift, suspension, and truss are all kinds. Kinds of what?”
Paul Lynde: “Shorts.”
Monday 5-6:
Peter: In The Wizard of Oz, the tin man wanted a heart, and the lion wanted courage. What did the straw man want?”
Paul: “He wanted the tin man to notice him!”
Tuesday 5-7:
Peter: According to French chef Julia Child, how much is a pinch?”
Paul: “It’s just enough to turn her on!”
Wednesday 5-8:
Peter: “True or false? Nylon is stronger than steel.”
Paul: “But steel panties don’t turn me on!”
Thursday 5-9:
Peter: “Does the American Medical Association support the ‘no bra’ look?”
Charley Weaver: “No! The ‘no bra’ look has no visible support!”
Friday 5-10:
Peter: “True or false? There are about 3-and-a-half million people running around today who are descended from John and Priscilla Alden of Mayflower fame.”
Paul: “Wow! Priscilla really did come across on the Mayflower!”
Monday 5-13:
Peter: “Historians say that King Henry VIII had Anne Bolin beheaded because she couldn’t do one particular thing. What?”
Paul: “Convince Henry VIII that he was Henry the first.”
Tuesday 5-14:
Peter: “According to New Woman magazine, are most children happy?”
Paul: “Aww, I hope not!”
Wednesday 5-15:
Peter: “True or false? French police recently raided a house of ill repute for senior citizens, and arrested several men in their seventies.”
Paul: “…and they were charged with loitering.”
Thursday 5-16:
Peter: “True or false? In parts of Africa, a girl used to be able to get a divorce by ripping up her wedding dress.”
Jan Murray: “How do you think Zsa Zsa got all those muscles in her forearms?”
Friday 5-17:
Peter: “According to a Stanford University study, who has a greater tolerance for pain – young folks or old folks?”
Paul: “I don’t know yet; I’m having four more old people in tomorrow!”
Monday 5-20:
Peter: “20 years ago, Thomas E. Dewey ran for President. Who opposed him?”
Jan Murray: “The United States of America!”
Tuesday 5-21:
Peter: “True or false, according to columnist Bert Bacharach, people tend to start shrinking a little after age 30?”
Paul: “Did you know that Rose Marie is standing up right now in her cubicle?”
Rose: “Oh, shut up!”
Wednesday 5-22:
Peter: “Abraham Lincoln did something special on January 1, 1863. What did he do?”
Rose Marie: “He signed Vincent Price’s autograph book.”
Vincent: “Oh, that’s mean!”
Thursday 5-23:: Peter: “Paul, You and a woman are parked on a dark road, when suddenly, a policeman shines his flashlight through the window. Who is apt to be most startled?”
Paul: “The policeman!”
Friday 5-24: Peter: “True or false? A state law in California specifies that store Santa Clauses have to wear underwear under their costumes.”
Jonathan Winters: “Well, when I played Santa Claus, it was entirely different. As long as you had the belt on and a red cap, you were home free.”
Monday 5-27:
Peter: “True or false? There is a new bra on the market that squeaks in various musical tones.”
Paul: (singing)”The hillls are aliiiive…”
Tuesday 5-28:
Peter: “Paul, what do we call a gelded rooster?”
Paul: “Is that the one that just goes ‘a-doodle-doo’?”
Wednesday 5-29:
Peter: “According to the British medical magazine Pulse…do women find big ears on a man sexy?”
Rose Marie: “Yeah, if he knows what to do with ’em, yeah…”
Thursday 5-30:
Peter: “Traditionally, Pope Paul does not have a big birthday to-do, but he does get something special on his birthday. What?”
Paul: “Kenny Williams, tell Pope Paul what he’s gettin’ for his birthday!”
Friday 5-31:
Peter: “After a woodpecker pecks a hole in a tree, is it unusual for him to put something in that little hole?”
Johnathan Winters: “…I would have to say yes, he probably puts his beak in there.”
Peter: “He says he puts something in there.”
Contestant: “Peter, is that after he gets through making the hole?”
Peter: “Well, it’s hard to put something in something if there’s no hole there. Lord knows we’ve all tried!”
Monday 6-3:
Peter: “According to Dr. Davin Rubin, what should you say to a 14-year-old boy who insists that he has no interest in girls?”
Paul: “Your slip is showin’!”
Tuesday 6-4:
Peter: “Queen Elizabeth generally swings her umbrella behind her back, and something immediately happens. What?”
Paul: “Lord Snowdon doubles up in pain.”
Wednesday 6-5:
Peter: “There’s a prune tree growing in your yard. How do you know when the prunes are ripe?”
Paul: “My grandfather comes over.”
Thursday 6-6:
Peter: “According to a recent court ruling, can romantic favors now be considered legal tender for the repayment of a debt?”
Harvey Korman: “I hope not; the only person that owes me money is Tim Conway!”
Sunday 6-9:
Peter: “According to Joan Crawford, the greatest beauty treatment is hard. Hard what?”
Paul: “Hard cider!”
Monday 6-10:
Peter: “According to Dr. Spock, a good rule of thumb about when to discuss the facts of life with your child is when he does something. What?”
Paul: “When he gets his Barbie doll in trouble.”
Tuesday 6-11:
Peter: “On television, what does the Bionic Woman do for a living?”
Paul: “She keeps Lee Majors from getting rusty!”
Wednesday 6-12:
Peter: “According to the old song ‘The Bible tells me so,’ what three things do you have to have in order to live successfully?”
Paul: “The love of a woman, a good job…and the love of another woman.”
Peter: (singing)”…for the Bible tells me so!”
Thursday 6-13:
Peter: “According to doctors, can spending the night in a sleeping back do anything good for you?”
Paul: “I’ll say. My den mother bought me a Corvette!”
Sunday 6-16:
Peter: “Can a goose warn you if there are intruders on your property?”
Paul: “There’s no better way!”
Tuesday 6-18:
Peter: “True or False? Drinking five martinis a day can destroy your brain.”
George Gobel: “Peter, I’d have to say the answer is Man of La Mancha.”
Wednesday 6-19:
Peter: “According to the Pittsburgh Press, is the Loch Ness monster interested in sex?”
Rose Marie: “Peter, that’s where I draw the line!”
Thursday 6-20:
Peter: “At what famous place in America will you find couples strolling arm in arm along Flirtation Walk and smooching at a place called Kissing Rock?”
Paul: “Leavenworth.”
Friday 6-21:
Peter: “Has a parakeet ever gone through a full cycle inside a washing machine and lived to chirp again?”
George Gobel: “Yeah, but unfortunately he died on the ironing board.”
Wednesday 6-26:
Peter: “Is jogging a good way to add spice to your romantic life?”
Paul: “Only if your partner can jog backwards.”
Wednesday 6-26:
Peter: “Does Mark Spitz believe swimming in the nude will make you go faster?”
Paul: “Well, it’s easier to steer…”